My head was buried between my legs. I tried hard to breathe. I tried to stop the overwhelming anxiety from enveloping me. However, how could I after what just happened? "Oh, Mi En, it's okay. Come, drink this hot chocolate to sooth your nerves." Shunho whispered into my ear. I closed my eyes and remained unmoving. "Mi En...come'on..." She tried again. I lifted my head a little and said just as quietly, "I don't want it. Just leave me alone!"
"You can have the hot choc. Just, just tap me when the results are out okay?"
"Mi En, please. It is just an audition. You mean all 100 girls here are supposed to behave like how you are behaving now when they..."
"Just go away!" I yelled and hundred pairs of eyes turned to stare at me.
"Mi En, this is the waiting studio! shush! I'll tap you when the results are out if you want me to." Shunho said in a low voice. Before I realised it, I was shedding tears and hiding in Shunho's arm.
"Shunho... I messed it all up. I messed it all up!" I wept.
"No you didn't... it's just an audition. You still have a long way ahead of you. Why be upset about an audition when you can attend tons in the future?" she said firmly.
"No! You don't understand! When the music started, I can't see anything because of the spotlight! But i started to dance. And then i fell... and then, and then I just ruined everything!"
"Oh, Mi En..."
"The music suddenly stopped when i fell. The spotlight stopped shining. I was again, clearly visible to the judges. And, and I ran out! I just ran out of the room! I ruined the audition, Shunho, I screwed it all up!"
I continued weeping for a very long time before ShunHo tapped my arm and said, "Mr YooChun is here." I sat up, adjusting to the environment and atmosphere around me. It was dead silence as everybody eyed the piece of paper that Mr KimYooChun was holding.
"Girls, thank you everyone for your participation. 100 participants here. Only 30 will go a step closer to their dreams. A competition always have winning, and losing. Don't take it too hard on yourself," he said. Formalities... I rolled my eyes.
"This are the lucky 30 girls who will get to the next round of audition..."
Even though I already had expected the results to be like that, I still feel betrayed. Betrayed by the spotlights, betrayed by my clumsy feet. Betrayed by the world! What made it worse, was that ShunHo got into the next round of audition. Well, being a friend, I should be happy. But that was quite impossible with what I am feeling right now. Lost, betrayed, sad, angry. A mix of convuluted emotions. I stood up unsteadily, my eyes lost in a thousand directions. I could faintly hear ShunHo's voice behind me. Her footsteps to catch up with me. Her attempt to stop me before I... bam! I feel with a loud thud onto the floor. Warm moisture seeped from my scalp , into my hair, making me smell that unpleasant...blood. But I was not unconcious. I could still hear gasps and screams from the girls around me. Barely. The light from the studio slowly became blur... I blinked. It was clear and bright again. I tried to get up. But my efforts were futile. I was numb and tired. I gave in, and closed my eyes.
"Mi En?" shake shake.
"Can you hear me? Mi En?" shake shake
Huh? Why weren't I dead? If I am dead, then this had to be heaven. The angel voice was like chimes!
"Mi En?" Leeteuk tried again.
But if this is heaven... then why is Leeteuk with me? I forced my eyes opened and I saw the face. His face. Leeteuk's face. "Huh? I am not dead?" I mused aloud.
"No of course not, you silly. Finally you are awake! You scared all of us!" Leeteuk replied with relief.
"Oh." I frowned, still not quite understanding what had happened.
"You're still bleeding. The ambulance is outside," he continued,"Come'on guys! Let's move her!"
"No, Leeteuk-sshi, you are our guest. You should be with your members at the cafeteria outside. We will do the job. You need to rest, Leeteuk-sshi" a foreign voice cut in.
"At this point of time you still want to argue with me about my status? Come, move her!" Leeteuk replied, annoyed.
"No, no! You are a star, an artiste. You ought to be resting with the other members. She is just a mere auditionee. Leave her to us, Mr Leeteuk Park Jung Soo. " the man said again.
With one swift hand, Leeteuk lifted me up, while another gently balancing my head. A restraining hand cut in front of his pathway. "Leeteuk-sshi. Leave her to us. Don't make things difficult for us." the owner of the hand said. There was a flurry of activites as Leeteuk rushed past the man and brought me outside, into the ambulance.
The throbbing pain occuring inside my head made it hard to concentrate. I felt dizzy and knackered. With little knowledge of who those people are and why were they stopping Leeteuk, I tried my best to croaked, "W...why..?"
"Hm?" he raised his eyebrow.
"Why did he..." I trailed off.
"Oh. Erm, I'll explain after you are sober enough. Now don't talk, go to sleep."
"But..." I squirmed as a paramedic tighten my stretcher belt while some others connect complicated tubes and medical stuff onto my arms and legs. "I'm sober."
"Just rest. Don't ask anymore."
"B...but... OW!" I shrieked as a needle was jabbed into my arm. The pain slowly flowed throughout my body. As blood oozed, my head began spinning. My nose was filled with the unpleasant smell, once again. I felt naseous. I tried to turn my head away from the blood. But the fatigue, like a invisible devil forcing extreme pressure on me, seems to be forcing me down onto the stretcher. I couldn't move. "The...bl..ood...! Can anyone see it?! It's killing me...! Anyone? Help..."my voice sounds hoarse. I felt Leeteuk's hurried breath on my face as his hands tried to gently turned my head. Upon his soft touch, I flinched.
"What's the matter? Is it painful?" he asked anxiously.
"No," I swallowed. "You...tell me what happened. And why." I persisted.
He ran his hand through his hair and shuffled uncomfortably.
"Well?" I asked.
"I've never met someone as stubborn and persistent as you. Just sleep okay? I'll tell you once you wake up. I promise. Just rest. Your face is all blotchy and red. You need rest. Rest, okay?" He rushed everything out irritatedly.
Not wanting to bicker, I shut my eyes, and drifted to La La land...