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10 October 2009 @ 01:53 pm
The Dream chapt 4  
004

"What the heck! Stop! Stop running around like that! I don't know if you are okay or not! What if there's something in your head or whatever that made it that you can't shout and run like that?!! AH OMG YOU BETTER COME AND SIT DOWN!" Shunho screamed.
I sighed in exasperation and trodded over to the bed. "What's the problem? I'm perfectly okay~ ahahah, it feels like I'm flying!" I clasped my hand together and stared at a distance dreamily.
Shunho smacked her forehead and shook her head slowly. "Hopeless...seriously. Ah anyway because none of us at the audition knew you so no one contacted your relatives. I guess they must be on hot bricks now. Better give me their numbers and I'll help you inform them, idiot."
I pursed my lips and tuck my hair behind my ear...stalling time.
Shunho seemed to sense the change of mood and placed her hands on mine. "Mi En...something wrong?"
I shut my eyes and mumbled, "Please...don't judge me hastily...deal?"
"Of course. Tell me what's wrong."
I opened my eyes. "I...er, I don't have any relatives. I'm an orphan... " I continued, "Since 17, I've been out of the orphanage and living on my own. My friends are maybe just people I meet at work. No one is close to me. And it's been so many, so many years... I've always been on my own. " I bit my tougue hard to fight all the negative emotions back.  The feeling of finally opening up and telling someone what I really am is overwhelming.
"Oh, Mi En, oh..." Shunho squeezed my hand tightly. "Aww, Mi En why didn't you tell me darling..."
I smiled slightly. "There's nothing to tell...we just met."
ShunHo nodded. "Aha, yes, of course. Care to...tell me more?"
I took at deep breathe. "Since 17, I worked part-time as a kindergarten teacher to pay for my school fees. Of course I would go back to the orphanage to visit ocassionally. But well, other than those times, I'm pretty much, alone I guess. As much as you can see, I spend most of my time fan-girling. Over Super Junior. Over Wonder Girls. [author's note: btw, i dun fan-girl over wondergirls. lol] And ever since i'm a kid, I wanted to be in showbiz. Because dancing and singing...they made me happy. They kept me intact. Only when I'm dancing and singing will I not be bothered when I see girls my age smiling up at their parents when their parents went to visit them in the school domitory. Only will I sensed that I have a purpose in this planet. You don't understand ShunHo...it kills not to know where you came from... you don't know who brought you to this planet. Sometimes when I watch  TV serials, it became mind boggling when people cry when their parents die. Those emotions seems so foreign to me. It's so strange, because I don't understand the great mother love that people usually say. I don't feel the love from my dad. Because I never had one, I never had any mum or dad..."
Shunho asked tactfully, "But why...why when we first met you could be so friendly, so normal. When actually inside you're someone so locked up?"
That's when the tears came. I bit my lip down so hard. I don't want to say anymore. It hurts so much to face the truth that I'm still somewhat different from people around me. However, I couldn't stop. Because finally there's someone that I'm willing to pour out my most genuine feelings. How could I just stop?
"If I showed you how lonely I was, how pathetic I really am, I was afraid you would judge me. Further more we just met."
However, at that moment, the door was pushed aside. That's when it dawned on me. The door wasn't closed at all. ShunHo forgot to locked it. Which lead to the person outside being able to listen to whatever was happening inside the ward. I shuddered. No...no! My life story was being exposed to the world! In an instant, I grabbed my blanket and started holding to it for my dear life. I flung it over my head and hid inside, shuddering non-stop.
"Mi En...Mi En!" Shunho tried to pry my fingers away from the blanket. However, it was a failed attempt. I was too frightened, too taken aback that I was using so much force while holding on to the blanket.
"Mi En...! What happened?" Shunho yelled irritatedly. She continued the struggle, with me pulling the blanket harder than ever, and her trying to pull my hands away.
I heard footsteps approaching my bed. It sounded like...2 people. They seem to be running too. Are they trying to help ShunHo? This thought scared me. I didn't want them to see me, to judge me. They knew who I really am inside. It scares me so much that I screamed when those two people came to help ShunHo with the blanket.
"GET THOSE PEOPLE AWAY. ASK THEM TO GO OUT OF MY WARD!!!" I cried desperately. I didn't want to face them. They have no right to know my life story. No right to judge me.
"Mi En...! Urggh, stop kicking and hiding in there! Please. Get out from under that blanket and look carefully at who are they!" ShunHo shouted to overpower my muffled screams.
Why did ShunHo ask me to look carefully at who are they? Are they people I know? Are they doctors that are trying to check on me? Whoever they were, if ShunHo said that they were fine then I should trust her, isn't it? Thousands of thoughts went through my mind at that moment. Finally, I stopped shuddering. I released my grip on the blanket slowly. ShunHo took in a huge breath and sighed as she pulled the blanket away. And that was when I saw who were they. The interlocking hands. The matching haircuts but with one more soft and feminine. One slender and slim body with another beautifully built. Heechul and Hankyung. My favourite One True Pair! I struggled to stifle a gasp. With them standing so close to me, coming face to face with them...they are impossibly matching and gorgeous. In that instant, I totally forgot about them overhearing my life story, seeing through who I really am inside.
"Hi Mi En." Hankyung stepped forward with a dashing smile. He turned to gesture Heechul to do the same. Heechul rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and stepped forward too. "Hey there."
I swallowed.
ShunHo smiled. "Look Mi En, it's HanChul. Why were you so afraid just now?" She placed her hands on top of mine and stroked it back and forth.
That was when I remembered they were eavesdropping on my conversation with Shun Ho. I shivered. I turned my head slowly and raised my head. "You both...were eavesdropping right?"
ShunHo stiffened. She whispered, much too low for them to hear, "Mi En! They are our idols! Show more respect! They were our judges a few days ago!" I shook my head fervently. "I don't care." 
This time, I wasn't scared anymore. I was angry. Who are they to eavesdrop on us? They have no right to know me more than other people. As much as I love both of them, since they are truly my idols, and as much as I'm nervous to face them in a private ward face to face, they still have no right to judge me.
"I'm sorry. Because the door wasn't locked so..." Hankyung started.

"So you have the liberty to pry on others private conversation? Super Junior members are my idols which include you both!  How can the both of you do that to me. That was my life story. And you listened to it all. Do the both you know how hard it is for me to accept the fact that who I really am inside is being exposed to the world?" I brushed my tears away. 

"Hey don't you dare talk to Hankyung like that!" Heechul shot back.

Hankyung raised a hand to stop Heechul. "We're really sorry but well, actually we were here to pay you a visit and find out if you're well since Leeteuk hyung has schedules. But you were telling your friend your life story when we came. So we waited outside after you finished." Hankyung finished.

"We eavesdropped because we need to find out what kind of girl you are since gaeteuk couldn't get you out of his mind." Heechul explained, annoyed.
I stared at the both of them in disbelief. It all seems to confusing. Leeteuk couldn't get me out of his mind? Did I hear it wrongly?
"Hankyung? Heechul? Can you get your hyung here?" I requested softly.

"He has schedules. Didn't you listen to Hankyung just now?!" Heechul answered as his eyebrows creased.
Hankyung sighed and turned to Heechul. "Shhh dear. We're here to run and errand. Not to attack people."
Heechul narrowed his eyes. "Fine." He dropped Hankyung hand and slumped down on the sofa that was pushed to the side.

Hankyung turned back to me and said, "Leeteuk hyung is kind of busy right now but I'll get him to come maybe tomorrow? Oh well, if he have time, he'll definitely come himself. You mean so much to him!"
This is getting more and more foreign to me. I was really confused. Whatever I thought. As long as he's gonna explain everything, then it'll be fine.

"Erm, okay... Well, I guess that's alright." I said.

*
"So...how are you feeling?" Hankyung asked.

"Fine enough." I grinned, happy to be back to the happy me.

"Well...don't mind me saying, but since our hyung is so attached to you, all 13 of us will be behind you so...I hope you don't feel alone again. From what I heard just now... you seem to be putting on a brave front."

"Kyunggie, that's none of our business!" Heechul groaned.

Hankyung turned and looked at Heechul. "That very much is our business, love. We need to help her."

Heechul moaned, "We're here to find out how she is physically. Not emotionally or mentally."

Hankyung sighed and turned back to me. "Anyway, we all hope you'll be happy."

I nodded. "Thank you. Well, I think I better break the habit of being alone all the time. If not I'll forever be feeling empty inside. I'm happy. I just need people beside me to take on the role of showering me love since I don't have any parents. And it looks like...there are." I looked at ShunHo meaningfully.
She smiled back and squeezed my hand. "Be happy Mi En, really. I'll be by you whenever you need me. So what if you're an orphan? You have tons of people to care for you!"

"Can we go now?" Heechul grumbled.

We laughed.