“ Sorry sorry sorry~”
I was sitting at the front row at the Asia Song Festival concert. Fingering with the lightstick held in my hand, I smiled silently to myself. It was already 2months. And it still seems so unreal. Many a times he gets annoyed whenever I told him it just seems like a dream. Regarding the fans… they still didn’t know. Our relationship was still kept from the public, like an underpass relationship. That never ever stopped making me worry. I knew one day, someone would bound to know, no matter how much the fifteen of them, and me myself promised to seal our lips. But how would I, how could I doubt his words? His constant assurance, reassuring me everything would be fine. But what would we end up? Continue dating for the rest of our lives in the dark? Being with him made me happy, but it wasn’t secure. I wanted, I craved for security. But being with him, it was far from possible. No matter what, he’s still an artiste. And now they are rising to be international superstars. I couldn’t bear to think what would happen if our relationship were to leak out and made known to the public. I would be the target of all the fans, his particularly. I would be bombarded with questions from the media, I would be the headlines. And most of all, I would ruin Super Junior’s reputation. The reputation they worked to hard to built, and he worked so hard to nurture it. I would be suicidal. And that would make him sad. I don’t want him to be sad. As long as he’s happy, everything is negotiable. As for now, letting our relationship hang in the air like that is still not much of a problem. I can handle.
Their performance came to an end and I rose immediately, strolling towards the backstage.
“Excuse me young woman, just a minute…” a representative with a pass that said: ASIA SONG FESTIVAL BACKSTAGE HELPER stepped out and blocked my pathway. I sighed and reached into my bag, fumbling for my pass. I fished it out and thrusted it at his face. It said: SM Make-up artist (Super Junior). Of course I wasn’t their make-up artist, but Leeteuk sneaked that pass out for me every time they have performances, so I could visit him backstage.
“Mmm…” the representative mumbled, “Why couldn’t there be more make-up artists like you? Every one of them wears weird clothes that are impossible to find out there. Only you look decent and normal. Oh, and you didn’t shave your head too.”
I rolled my eyes. “If you could step aside…” He moved to the side quickly.
“And stop insulting my profession,” I finished. Smoothing down my skirt, I threw him a smile and walked in.
I found their preparation room within a couple of minutes and pushed the door open. Man, was the door heavy. I tried again and this time it gave in and moved to the side. I walked in and looked around, much too eager to see Jung Soo. Suddenly, two muscular hands wrapped around my waist and hugged me tightly.
“Iron man!” I screamed. He threw his head back and laughed.
“Oh yes, my wonder woman?” he said, his voice impossibly melodious.
I giggled. He let me free and I turned to face him.
“Since when did you become so muscular?” I asked accusingly, gesturing to his arms.
“Since I decided to become iron man,” he smiled.
“That’s stupid,” I accused again.
“I know. But I learnt it from you, wonder woman,” he replied softly, whispering into my ears.
I giggled shyly again. I heard the door being pushed aside, and someone walked in, whistling.
“Hey noona,” I made a face.
“I’m younger than you Donghae…” I whined.
“But you and hyung are an item so that makes you a noona. Anyway when you two get married it’s still the same thing. I might as well call you noona,” he answered back.
Jung Soo pulled me into his arms again and whispered, “What’s there to be shy for
My lips pulled down into a perfect arch as I grumbled, “Ask him to stop calling me noona…”
“Silly, silly girl,” he chuckled.
He reached and took my hand, intertwining my fingers with his. Pulling me towards their tiny make-up room, he turned and smiled at me. I smiled back.
Inside the puny room, the other members are either lazing on the couch, or playing with their gadgets, particularly a certain Heechul and Kyuhyun, arguing over their oh-so-awesome starcraft, completely not acknowledging their hyung who has just stepped in, and his girlfriend, might I add.
“This is crazy. You’re cheating!” Kyuhyun groaned and shot Heechul a look.
“What, I was just playing with tactics. Kyu ah, you need special abilities and the brains to think of such intelligent techniques against your opponents…” Heechul smirked.
The maknae groaned again in exasperation, thrusting his hands in the air, a stance of defeat.
“I give up, hyung. I should never have introduced you to the game. Now you’re ruining everything,” he complained.
“Ruining? I’m your hyung wtf.”
“Stop cussing. It’s unhealthy.”
“I agree!” a voice at the far corner of the room exclaimed.
“Shut up Eunhyuk. And man, who cares about cussing, little kid.”
“I behave and acts and even looks older than you, blind man.”
“That’s why I’m better-looking.”
“Or so you claim.”
Heechul started to stand, and Kyuhyun hurriedly pulled him back down again.
“Are you playing? Or not?” the maknae asked, acting as if nothing of any sort ever did happened between them just a few seconds ago.
“I thought you didn’t want me to.”
“I didn’t. But now I do. Come’on, play with
“You look old and aegyo don’t suit you. Come let’s play.” Heechul relented, easily satisfied this time.
“And don’t cheat.”
I laughed softly, enjoying the little bicker. Oh, my boys are just so adorable.
“Is that funny?” Jung Soo asked, raising one beautiful bow.
I nodded as my body vibrated gently, in time to my uncontrollable laughter.
“If you have to face that everyday, it won’t be funny anymore,” he moaned, taking my hand again. I smiled. Obviously you enjoy the time with them. You just don’t admit it.
“Kay guys, time to pack up,” Jung Soo announced, gesturing towards the door. “We’re running late, people. Come’on come’on quick quick! Move all your blooming asses!”
He walked towards some of the members, kicking their behinds as slowly all of them started to stand up and pack up their stuff.
“We’re not going to the interview?” Sungmin questioned, eyes wide. Oh, why did he have to look so impossibly cute…
You would think I would have gotten used to all these absurd cuteness already, but no, these boys… they never fail to amaze and get me crazy all over myself over their extreme cuteness. It’s so unfair. The whole of
I pity everyone. Myself included. How could they look so compelling, so beautiful? I still couldn’t understand. And being that close to them was once something that seemed like a dream, something hopelessly impossible. But I actually was. I was the girlfriend of the K-pop kings, Super Junior’s leader, Park Jung Soo. I was. I actually was! But it still seems so unreal…yet vivid. Hah, something must be wrong with me.
“Yes, we aren’t going to the interview. We have to rush over to
“Ahh… right. Is she coming with us?” Sungmin asked, pointing at me.
“She’s Mi En, if you don’t know,” Jung Soo replied, his tone hostile. I squeezed his hand and whispered, much too low for the others to hear, “Don’t start it again. I can manage it.”
Sungmin has been the most unsupportive one. He felt that it isn’t right that we kept mum about relationship. He thought it was unfair to the ELF population, saying they have all the right to know if they are fans who had walked through these four years with them, caring, loving them. And I was once part of them. So all the more it seems wrong that they didn’t know a single thing.
But Leeteuk wasn’t giving in, or letting him get his way. He refused to make known our relationship to the public, taking my safety as an important consideration, a priority.
“If all it takes for you to break all those promises to our ELFs, to let them down is her, I don’t see leadership in you anymore,” Sungmin had said. He had made his point clear. He was not going to accept me, until I, no, we-Jung Soo and I, are brave enough to face up to the society.
But Jung Soo has said his piece too. He has explained that the time isn’t right. He has promised that when the time is ripe, he’ll make it clear to the media. And with that assurance in mind, Sungmin hasn’t stopped trusting him and following him. But he wasn’t accepting me. That part was maddening, but it was just the way it was. No matter how much he knew I love him, I love Suju, there’s no way he could let the whole forest down just to please a single tree like myself.
And I knew the time for him to accept me is too far-fetched. Because Jung Soo has taken no action of any sort.